The Hotly Anticipated Comeback Post

So what now? Post number two. That's way harder to write than post number one. That's like when a band releases its second album. It's like you've had so long to prepare your first album that it is a finely honed work of art when it comes out, and you raise the bar so high that when your second album is a hastily prepared mishmash of songs you write whilst sleep deprived out on the road, everyone dismisses you as a flop. Well, I suppose that might be going too far. I've never written an album, and frankly comparing my first post to an overnight musical sensation is something of a stretch. Instead, here is a list of interesting facts about me:

I'm a Pretend Rock Star!
I tell people I play the guitar, when in fact I do so very rarely these days. My heady days of rocking and rolling are unfortunately slipping away. All of my bands are defunct, and all of the musicians I know now live too far away or are too busy to play. One of these days though, I'll slap on some Gene Simmons make-up, crank it up to 11 and give my hamster the show of its life. "Helloooo Richard's Living Room! Are you ready to rock?..."

[Silence]

I don't believe in soul mates, but I have great faith in beneficial coincidence
I stumbled across my girlfriend of five years, who shall henceforth be known as "Girlfriend" (at least until she lets me write her name on the old blogeroo) when I least expected or wanted a new love in my life. Following the sputtering and life-crushing demise of a previous relationship with a student who was younger than me and lived far away, I vowed never again to go for a student who was younger than me and lived far away. And with that I went to a party and met Girlfriend, who was not only a student, but also younger than me by a margin of five whole years, and lived even further away. Somehow my criteria seemed less important in the face of meeting someone so well suited to me in every other way though. Thus we moved all over the country together, bought a house together, and may even get hitched one of these days.

The Mountain Is a Harsh Mistress!
Is that the name of some classical novel or something? I have no idea. Anyhow, I love to snowboard. I generally only get away for a week a year, but I try to make the best of it. Whilst I love the thrill of riding my board very fast over unspoiled terrain with a group of likeminded peers, my honest to goodness real reason for subjecting myself to the Annual Painfest is because nothing in my life has ever struck so much of a chord with me as standing at the top of a snow-covered mountain and seeing forever. It may be a sentiment which reeks of camembert, but I have rarely felt more content than in the rare moments when I can see the world from such a picturesque vantage point. And then I strap myself in and destroy some countryside.

I like to 'boldly go' as opposed to the grammatically correct 'going boldly'
I have now watched so much Star Trek, old and new, that it has ceased to register as a fictional show, and is now an accurate premonition of what the future will be like. If we can all stop shooting each other and trying to earn more money than the next bod, we might find the time to make the odd starship. Our pay-off will be undoubtedly be intimate relations with as many green Orion slave girls as we can stand. Provided Kirk doesn't beat us all to it.

If I believed in Heaven, it would look exactly like Wii Sports Resort
I would play frisbee golf each day with Moses and Raul Julia (Gomez, from the Addams Family movies, for the uninitiated).

I'm a guilty tourist
I think it is a cruel irony that the nicest places to visit in the world are so far away that in order to get there, you need to go in a plane, which will splooj out so many toxic gases that the nice areas will probably all get flooded in the forthcoming waterocalypse when the icebergs all melt.

That'll do for today. I'll be back soon. Hopefully with pictures!

Daily Tourettes - Jizzwipe